Am I the drama?
Is Workplace Drama Your Secret Addiction? How to Spot It and Break Free
We've all been there: the hushed conversations, the speculative emails, the endless dissection of a minor disagreement. While a bit of workplace banter can be harmless, for some, the thrill of office drama becomes a captivating, almost addictive, force. If you find yourself consistently drawn into the latest office saga, or even initiating it, you might be caught in the undertow of drama addiction.
What is Drama Addiction?
Dr. Scott Lyons, author of Addicted to Drama, explains that drama isn't just about external events; it's often an internal mechanism. We might seek out dramatic situations because they provide an intense emotional experience, a distraction from our own anxieties, or even a sense of purpose and belonging within a group. It can feel exhilarating in the moment, but ultimately, it's draining and unproductive.
Spotting the Signs in Yourself
Are you a drama magnet or a drama generator? Here are some tell-tale signs:
You thrive on gossip: You're the first to know the latest news (and often the juiciest details), and you feel a buzz when sharing it.
You constantly complain: Your conversations often revolve around what's wrong, who's to blame, or how unfair things are.
You feel "alive" during conflict: While others shrink from tension, you feel energised and engaged when arguments or disagreements arise.
You jump to conclusions: You quickly form strong opinions based on limited information and are ready to take sides.
You struggle with boundaries: You find it hard to disengage from discussions about others' personal or professional lives.
You're exhausted but can't stop: After a drama-filled day, you're mentally drained but find yourself replaying events or seeking more information.
Why Do We Get Hooked?
Neuroscientist Dr. Caroline Leaf, often featured on The Mel Robbins Podcast, highlights how our brains react to stress and emotional intensity. Engaging in drama can create a surge of adrenaline and cortisol, giving us a temporary "high" that our brains can start to crave. This isn't about malicious intent; it's often a subconscious coping mechanism.
Managing Yourself: Your Toolkit for Breaking Free
The good news? You have the power to change this pattern.
Self-Awareness is Key: Recognise when you're being drawn in. Before reacting, pause and ask yourself: "Am I contributing to the drama, or am I observing it?" Brené Brown, in The Gifts of Imperfection, emphasises the power of self-compassion and recognising our patterns without judgement.
Set Boundaries: This is crucial. When a conversation veers into gossip or excessive negativity, politely steer it back to work-related topics or excuse yourself. You don't need to be rude, just firm. Try phrases like, "I'm not comfortable discussing that," or "Let's focus on the project at hand."
Mindful Communication: Before speaking, consider the "three gates" as taught in ancient wisdom: Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? If it doesn't pass these gates, it's probably best left unsaid.
Focus on Solutions, Not Problems: Instead of dwelling on what's wrong, shift your energy to finding solutions. This reframes your mindset from a reactive to a proactive one.
Cultivate Positive Connections: Seek out colleagues who inspire you, focus on their work, and maintain a positive outlook. The Stress Management Society (UK) often advises fostering supportive relationships as a key element of workplace well-being.
Find Healthy Outlets for Energy: If you're craving excitement, channel that energy into creative projects, new skills, or even intense physical activity. This provides a healthy release for that internal drive that might otherwise seek drama.
Seek External Support (If Needed): If you find your workplace dynamics particularly challenging, or if you're in a leadership position trying to navigate team tensions, consider bringing in a neutral third party. Services like Three Chords Coaching specialise in facilitating difficult conversations and helping teams move forward constructively.
Breaking free from drama addiction is a journey, not a single step. By consciously choosing to observe, set boundaries, and focus on positive contributions, you can transform your workplace experience from a draining emotional rollercoaster into a productive and fulfilling environment.
If you're looking to better cope with 'drama' and need support, you can get in touch with Mark at Three Chords Coaching through their contacts page: www.threechordscoaching.com
References:
Lyons, Scott. Addicted to Drama: Healing Your Emotional System from the Vicious Cycle of Victimhood and Chaos.
The Mel Robbins Podcast. (Search for episodes featuring Dr. Caroline Leaf).
Brown, Brené. The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are.
The Stress Management Society (UK). Provides workplace support & training.
Three Chords Coaching. Offers facilitation and support for workplaces navigating high-stress dynamics and leadership tension.
